6 ways to connect with your tween/teen daughter

When you get to know that you are expecting, motherhood hits you instantly. No matter it’s a boy or a girl, you automatically connect with your child. But when you know you are having a daughter, you know that’s something which you can’t have with your son. You always know that that time will come when your daughter think and feel differently. She will come to that age when you will be her biggest support BUT you can never expect when it will happen.

The baby girl you were holding in your arms. The baby girl, who was playing with dolls just a few day ago, started to feel differently. All of a sudden she becomes quiet and starts to behave like adults. Then you know that your baby girl is not a baby anymore. She is a big girl now. And now you are the only person, who can understand her and make her feel comfortable and safe.

My daughter turned 10 this year in January and everything was going normal. Suddenly she started to act strangely. She started to behave and talk like big girls. She started to get irritated by small things and now she likes to spend time in her room rather then going out with us.

I knew this would happen but, I was not expecting this so soon. Then I realized that she has started her tween phase. And this is all very normal. Then I started to google about it how can I make her feel comforted. So these are following thing am doing right now.

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1.Doing something together

Try to engage her in your activities or do something together what she likes. Like you can bake her favorite cookies together or when you are cooking ask her to help you with the ingredients. Or may be you can go for cycling/ swimming together (whatever she likes).

One day my daughter suddenly started to wash dishes. Without telling me. I told her its okay if she likes to do the dishes she can wash her plate only. She doesn’t need to do all the dishes. She was happy. Now  she helps me the laundry regularly. I tell her every time what cycle to select and how much detergent to use.

Doing this make them confident and responsible and they feel like contributing in the house like adults.

2.Talk to them

As a mother you can always sense that something is bothering your child. Something is not right. You can sense their tone. You can even say it by looking at their face. Just talk to them. Ask them what’s bothering them.

My daughter started her 6th grade this year. And this year the school management shuffled their sections and now her best friends is in another section. Since the beginning of this academic year she is acting as she is not happy. One day she was very quiet so I asked her “what’s wrong?”. Then she told me that she is sad because her friend is in another section now so she will make new friends and that she will forget my daughter. We talked for an hour and I tried to explain it to her that it’s the part of life, you can always make new friends and you can stay connected to your old friends as well. After the talk, she was fine.

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3.Plan a family day/ activity

My daughter always asks me to do something fun. And by fun she means doing anything but with the whole family. Whether its going on a picnic or swimming. Or just a family movie day with pizza. My daughter loves this. She calls it “pizza party”.

4.Ask for her opinion

Take their suggestions when ever you can. If you are buying clothes ask them what they like. Even if you are buying for your self  ask them if they like the color. They always give the honest opinion. Or if you are planning a dinner party, ask her if she can help you make the menu.

5.Don’t take their behavior personally

At this age, she is going through a lot of emotional and physical changes. She is confused and she is trying to figure herself out. The emotions that she is feeling for the first time. She gets irritated on small things or talks to you disrespectfully. Don’t take her wrong. Try to handle her calmly. Talk to her if you can or just give her some space to cool down. She doesn’t hate you. She is trying to understand her emotions.

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6.Stay strong

Keep your calm and give her space BUT also keep an eye on her. This is when she needs to be observed. Stay strong on rules and try to explain it to her. Tell her the things she is allowed and things she is not allowed to do. The best way to do is to answer her every question like adults. At this stage giving commands will only make things worse. Gain her trust and explain everything to her that if she is forbidden then why is that so. Give her logical explanations.

Its not easy. Its really tough. But this is the time when we can have that connection with our daughters which can help them in the development of their personality. this is the time when she wants someone to understand her and listen to her and feel her. And when you do this, she will feel special and loved. She will feels comforted. Otherwise she will look for someone outside of her family who can give her all these things.